Taking out a slice of apple crumble from the refrigerator, Priya thought about the pleasure she can derive from one single bite of it. But then she suddenly remembered her boyfriend’s warning about the high time of losing weight. During the lockdown, she hadn’t only increased her creative size but also her waist size and Ravi had told her in no certain terms that she has to get back to her original size or else they are over. Over for him meant that, that he would be sleeping with someone else, instead of her.
Having the thought of sex in her mind, she took a bite of that to crumble and ravished it instead of keeping it back. The taste of crumble melting in her mouth reminded her of the sex that she and Ravi had. She realized how funny it was, that she was able to find some solace in one piece of the pie that she had in that physical intimacy with someone special.
Both end up giving that same satisfaction at the end where you close your eyes to savor and enjoy it and the word ‘ooohhh’ comes out of your mouth when it’s done and ends with a satisfactory smile on your face.
Priya thought, ‘I know the analogy between the two is not new and is an old age concept used in movies, novels, everywhere. But still every time you discover anything new, you feel like an einstein or newton yourself and it does not really matter how old the finding is….’
Then I thought about the other activities that give me the same pleasure as shopping, taking a long hot shower, but can they really replace each other? The vacuum that is created by the absence of one can it be really filled by the other. However much I shop, which I do a lot of it, but will it really help me in fulfilling the void that will be created once Ravi breaks up with me?
She thought about the loving moments that they both had shared before she had put on so much weight. How he would surprise her with little gifts or by coming to her home early in the morning and take her for a drive to watch the sunrise with a packed basket of her favorite tea and biscuits. How much pain and effort he had put to express and prove his love, wherein she had done nothing. This had created a rift between the two as his expectation from me had also increased. It is a natural phenomenon where one person feels that he or she is vesting a lot in a relationship and it is not getting reciprocated.
Only in our case, his obsession with shopping increased and mine with eating. I would eat to suppress my guilt of not being good enough or loving enough towards him and his shopping increased to fill that void of love that he was missing from me!
Finishing the last bite of pie, Priya made two calls, first to the gym and second to Ravi to invite him over for Netflix and chill! Maybe she will never be able to reciprocate her love in the same manner but at least she will now ensure that there is no emptiness created between the two that needs to be filled by sweetness and abundance of sex but it is love that we all crave for more than anything and that cannot be replaced..