Home Fiction Inside-Out


by Nirmal Parihar
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It’s a morning of a cold breezy Monday, barely awake. I sit on the corner of my bed, with my phone in my hand.

I work in a financial firm and Mondays are one of the busiest days of the week. It’s been 3 years now since I’ve started working for this firm.

It won’t be wrong to say I’ve lost the spark I once had working. Once again here I sit, staring blankly at my mobile screen trying to think.

I’m lost. I guess, lost is not justifying enough. I think I’m stolen. Stolen, of myself, for the world is too focused on creating masterpiece that… They don’t even realize that it no longer exists.

Why am I? Is what I ask myself frequently for who am I, is tiresome. Who am I, is for them, but what about me? I look back and I don’t find my own footprints.

Why? You ask me? I don’t know. Maybe because I am empty. Unreal. So hollow, so artificial that they want to ghost me but you know they’re scared too, for I’m the one who knows how to survive outside the grid.

Humans, you see, are normally scared of things they don’t understand, they’re hostile with the feeling that it might change their outlook on something which they’ve established over years blinded by their egos.

Me? I am I think an atom in the unfathomable multiverse. Insignificant? Yes ofc, my existence is as significant as a grain of sand in the desert.

What’s the point then? You see, that’s the point, that there’s no point, for you can become whatever you choose to be. Something you become a part of, becomes you in part of that thing.

Sounds confusing? Good, it is supposed to be. But then how do we know where we stand?

You stand wherever you want to stand. You see, life… Was given to us to explore the unknowns and to challenge the odds. What becomes of you over a period of time is what defines your curve. The curve does not necessarily be a circle.

What’s your curve?


I think it’s a loop we call infinity.

What is infinity? I am infinite. My existence is infinite. Do you know why?

Because I am nothing. Still confused?

You see, I am an atom, thus I’m nothing. But there’s nothing without me. It’s the intertwining of two that gives importance to existence so I am nothing and nothing is without me.

But what if I’m still not enough?

What do you want to be enough for?

The world? I guess.

But which world? Is it the world you created or the world that exists?

Maybe the world that there is?

They don’t care. Why wouldn’t they? Because enough is happy. Happiness is a guilt disguised.

What guilt you ask? To be content. To stop exploring things.

And what about the world I created?

You are your world. You make yourself, build yourself, destroy yourself.

But I… I’m still not sure.

Sure, about what?

About me. I’m not sure about myself.

Remember, something you become a part of, becomes a part of you in that something. Aren’t you an atom in this multiverse? So, you ARE the multiverse.

If you can be enough for a multiverse then I guess you are enough for yourself.

Listening to myself, I get off the bed to get ready for my work.

I guess, being bipolar isn’t that bad either.

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