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Confused Love

by Priyanka
0 comment 7 minutes read

‘Cruel and vindictive’ were two of the many words that Natasha had never thought that she would ever hear someone use for her in the bouquet of adjectives when used for her. She had always been considered as the sweet spoken, shy type, so she couldn’t understand how to react. On the one hand, she felt sad that someone considered her as a villain in their life on the other hand she considered it as an achievement as well. Finally, someone was able to see beyond, whether these were true or not that’s not her place to judge. These words of praise were sent to her by her so-called ex-fiancé Sameer.

She still remembers how they had met, it was during the lockdown, and she remembers clearly as she had been fighting with her so-called boyfriend that time for not giving the proper attention that she required from him, not his fault though, after all, everything was under lockdown during that time. So when her father exchanged her number with some guy that he liked for the purpose of the matrimonial alliance, she thought it was a perfect way to make Ashish jealous and make him realize his feelings towards her. Also, it felt like a respite from the boring life that she was spending nowadays with nothing much to do.

Natasha was an outspoken person who enjoys chatting or mingling with new people, getting to know them. So when she first spoke to Sameer, she enjoyed chatting with him, and surprisingly they ended up talking over the phone for about four hours. It was only then when hunger struck did they realize that it had been that long. Since it was during the time of lockdown they both decided to take it slow by talking over the phone first and look how well do they gel and then accordingly as restrictions ease for going out they will meet.

Once she started talking to Sameer, she started getting over her feelings for Ashish, even though he had now paid more attention to her. She should have stopped talking to Sameer then itself as her motive of talking to him has been achieved. But she realized she was drawn towards Sameer. He had no show-offs or pretenses, he was a simple man and wanted a simple life with his family. He was the only son and lived with his parents, had no financial expectations, and earned to keep his family comfortably. It was all anyone wanted. His father had been in private jobs throughout his life, but Sameer was an entrepreneur and had built up his own multi-million business with his own will power and intelligence. He had suffered enough in his life and wanted to know a life of peace. His clarity of thoughts, his experience, his charming voice and not to mention his personality were all that made me drool over him like a small puppy. He felt like a fresh breeze that had come to show me what actual happiness means.

It was becoming impossible for me to distance myself from Sameer and his charms. After talking for two months, they finally realized it was high time that they should meet. Natasha had to give him an ultimatum as he still seemed reluctant to meet as he believed in astrology and his consultant had told him not to yet meet me. But after my ultimatum, he consulted them again and took out a loophole so that we could spend some time together. Restaurants were still closed, so they thought they could enjoy a romantic drive. So she cooked him pulao, aloo gobhi with puri for lunch that they could share. It was a perfect day with a clear sky for a drive or it felt so because I had left home after two long months, anyways it all felt right and perfect. It was the feeling that everything is falling right in its place.

We met in the morning, he came to pick me up at my house. Like a proper Indian boy, he came bearing sweets and flowers for my parents. He was able to win them over in the first meeting, which will now make it more difficult if they don’t end up with each other. 

Once we left the house, we both had expected to have that awkward feeling with each other that one has. We had talked so much and known each other so well by now but it’s different when you meet for the first time. Anyways, once we were able to get over that first bout of awkwardness, we realized we both shared the same taste in music, so it was more comfortable. We drove around the expressway chatting about nothing in particular but about everything. Everything felt so wholesome. Never for a moment did Sameer let go off my hand during the entire drive.

We took a break once to eat the food that I had prepared for him, which I knew was his favorite. After sharing the meal, we shared a passionate kiss. Natasha was smitten over and she could still feel his taste long after. They sat in the park hand in hand for a while. The afternoon sped, and it was suddenly time to go home. I felt sad while going back home, it was as if I am leaving a part of me behind.

Once I reached home I knew my parents would be now waiting for my answer, as per them it was already long overdue. And as I had imagined my father asked me over dinner what I thought of Sameer now that I had met him. He wasn’t really happy when I said, ‘I still need more time before I can make up my mind.’

‘That does it, I have had enough of your waiting and reasons to not to marry someone. Sameer is a perfectly perfect person for you, he is mature enough to take care of you, and from what I can see he loves you too. He belongs to a good background and has made a name for himself in society. I will not have any more of your excuses to delay it any longer. I am calling his parents tomorrow for a meeting and we are proceeding ahead with this alliance’ said her father sternly.

Natasha wasn’t ecstatic with this decision but couldn’t pinpoint what was she missing so she gave her approval and retired to her room.   

Later that night Natasha thought of her day with Sameer and how they met. She had forgotten about Ashish until that moment completely but suddenly the strong sense of nostalgia wash over her, a sense that as if all of this has happened before, not entirely the same but still to some extent. She then remembered Ashish and her heart suddenly ached. It was not her fault that Ashish and she went separate ways. She was suddenly angry, who had asked him to turn so cold towards her suddenly. If he had loved her so much, then he should have given her more attention.

They had met two years back, she had been working for a multinational company as their head of human resources. Yes I know, I have heard enough from my friends and family, if nothing else there are so many memes based on us that can be referred to. Anyway back to my story, I had a successful career but my love life sucked big time. So my friends decided that it was high time and they felt the need to intervene, so they ended up making my profile on some online dating app and found a match for me. I was reluctant or rather apprehensive to meet him as I was unsure about some guy from a dating site and felt uncomfortable. So firstly we exchanged our phone numbers and then I checked his profile on Facebook and Instagram. You don’t lose anything by being careful.

So I realized that whatever he had written in his bio was actually right. It made me much more confident while talking to him. So the first time we talked we had our differences in relation to our work choices, which he did not approve of, he had more of a chilled and carefree attitude towards life unlike her totally organized and controlled perspective. She was hesitant to call him again but she didn’t have to as he sent her a text simply saying, ‘Wazzup’.

I was astonished to have received a message from him, but since it seemed rude not to reply, I sent him a text by simply saying, ‘very well, how about you?’ and that started the chain of texts. That paved way for our regular phone calls and texts, I seemed to be in a happy place suddenly and all my friends supported me. It had been a month and we stayed in the same city yet we hadn’t met till now. She smiled thinking about that day when they had finally met. He had gone down to meet his friends outstation and she knew when he was returning. It had become a regular habit of them to talk to each other all the time. So they were chatting while he was coming back and she reached ISBT to surprise him and made him step out of the bus even though it wasn’t his stop.

As he entered my car his first response was, ‘ain’t the roof of the car small for my head.’ I looked at him and we both laughed. It was the first thing that he could say to me, but it became a memorable moment for both of us. As the evening progressed my initial hesitation with regard to him and this relation surfaced back, he seemed to know a lot of people and his life was all big party as compared to mine where I had to make my own living and mark. I had to fight with everyone at work and at home to make myself heard. He couldn’t understand my difficulties and I was having a problem in understanding his perspective. Probably he had everything, his parents had provided him with whatever he wanted, his life seemed so much easy.

I could see that the evening was not only difficult for her rather for him as well. So after eating something at a small cafe they both went for the drive. The evening had now turned into a dark blue sky full of stars. We reached the point where could see only those stars and suddenly he kissed me. It was so sudden that I was taken aback and it ended as awkwardly. He never understood my awkwardness and suddenly commented that I am a bad kisser. Now he had challenged my ego and so I did what he did to me. And that awkward kiss happened again, but only from his side this time and it was enough to make him understand my confusion. So we finally had a kiss that worked for both of us. And what a passionate kiss it was. It had no urgency, just warm as if I was on another planet where no one else existed at that time just both of us.

Until that moment she had laughed at the idea of love and dismissed anyone who talked about falling in love with anyone instantly. But that kissed opened her heart and apparently his as well as he suddenly said, ‘I Love You’. Despite our mutual differences in our thinking, our hearts had found a way for each other. 

Before she slept, she wiped the tear away and had a sudden realization that in spite of the similarity in the way both the relationship occurred, her heart still fluttered for Ashish. With this sudden revelation, she cried for what she had done and how she had given up her on only love and how now it was too late to do anything and she accepted her future with Sameer.

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