My mom wrote this beautiful quotation for her daughter, whom divinity blessed with high melanin and chubby body. Everyone sought her as a perfect example of unattractiveness. Amusingly, I am that daughter. My name is Huma, and this name is the last gift, which my father presented to me when I was two. He left me alone in this wicked world.
From early days, I have listened, how hideous I am! How beauty is contrary to me! In addition, not all those beauty standards and slim-fitting attires were for me.
I still remember how people used to ridicule a little girl in school because of her skin texture and body figure.
Even my relatives used to remark on the same, although nobody did that purposely, it pierced my heart profoundly. These instances are enough to kill the self-esteem and self-efficacy of a teenager.
Every individual alive in this epoch are familiar with the intricacies that teenagers face throughout these times. I drafted a resolution to transform into a slim-fit young woman reminiscent of other slim and gorgeous girls, because it was eternally there in my psyche that (slimness = beauty). Those years are the darkest stain, which transmogrified me into an antisocial, hard to talk, and distracted girl.
Throughout my teenage years, I was worried about my body weight and shape. I opted for a heavy exercise routine and intermittent fasting.
I repeatedly compared my body mass with that of other girls, I met or saw — and eventually judged myself as too weighty.
I have gazed, dreadful and horrible me in the mirror, right away from hours to months. I used to squeeze the fat on my sides and observe that the thighs touched each other. At about age fourteen, I embark on to go for dieting, first usually, and then for every day. At fifteen, I decided to turn to vegan and initiated to cut out many foods from my diet. My height was five feet, eight inches, and I weighed eighty-seven kg’s, but by my 17th birthday, I had dropped to seventy-six kg.
Rather than being pleased by this weight loss, I kept considering myself as too heavy. I started weighing myself throughout the day. I spent most of my time perturbing about my mass. Time spent on my apprehensions took the place of supplementary activities that delighted me, such as lessons and having pleasurable time with my best friend. I became more unaccompanied and kept losing weight. Nevertheless, there was no satisfaction or a single ray of hope that I was beautiful.
The next morning my mom found me lying lifeless in my room, I opened my eyes in a hospital, where I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder.
how is anorexia a mental illness !
The doctor explained to my family how an anorexic person has a distorted body image that leads her/him to see herself/himself as overweight and how these situations turn to severe conditions even to death. There was no optimism left to live to any further extent, I was willing to die, as to end this misery. I became a sufferer of malnutrition, depression and many other diseases………..
(These were the excerpts from her diary)
She could not bear the harshness of the society; her psychologist told that she was so broken from inside and did not have any hope to live more. My name is Lata, and I am her mother.
That day, the health centre cannot keep her alive; then I decided to create this world a healthier place for others, where no one criticizes anyone because of their body or shape. Everyone is distinctive, in the creation of the lord. The last words that Huma wrote still make me sob even after ten years of that trauma.
This world is wicked, so as my people,
They all made me hate myself, made me question my existence,
However, I love them.
Even if I die today,
I wanted to rebirth again like this,
Therefore, I could slap the conservative and judging society by loving myself a little more!
~ Your beautiful daughter
how to beat anorexia?
I request each person not to evaluate and change his or her beauty standards because of others. The best way to tackle these eating disorders would be opening up with your closed ones. My daughter always had a choice to open with me, and she regrets the same. Instead of trying to transform herself, she could have discussed and raised her voice against this. Being beautiful is indeed a gift, but becoming beautiful by heart is a blessing.
My daughter gave me a lesson, even though you are fat, ugly or anything, you will always be beautiful because –
“The real beauty resides inside us”.
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